i made a mistake.
i wish i could take it back.
i feel sick.

so nelsons mom and i are traveing to VA to get nelson. 10 road trip with nelsons mom...just the 2 of us. =/ wich me luck

but onthe up side, 10 hours back with nelson =)

summer school starts in like 2 weeks
i have fictional writing and math1000
both at wayne state, and this will replace the 2 classes that i effed up in first semester.

but im hungry so im gunna go get breakfst
yum.

i wish summer would come faster.
school is done in 4 weeks. yay!
then i start summer school, gross.

well it is late and ive been talking with nelson, and hes got a test tomorrow =/ i hope he does good. he needs too so he can get the stars on his uniform and look all smart and what not =)

i cant fucking wait to marry that kid. it feels like its taking for EVERRRRR
but my life is an on going count down as it is...always to the next time i get to see him...

i cant believe that this is really it. im a fuckin military gf. like i have always heard about the women of military men...but it never occured to me that i would be one of them...
on 9/11 i was in 8th grade in spanish class...then they rushed us to our next class and that was mrs. miiningers class, and she turned the t.v. on right as the second plane went into the second tower... and all that started all this... turning me into what im going to be, another military wife. thats right, me...a military wife! who wouldda thought!!
but its all good, i got Sammie to keep me company, while Adam & Nelson are away...the 2 of us can stick together.
and of course i have my BFF, Tia!! to help me through eerything, like she already is. yeah i have my break downs, those night where im just lost in the thoughts of, what will i do with myself if he ever has to go. and i break down, like a real human.

but ive been strong so far, look at this, in the past school year, we have only seen each other 4 times...yep thats right...4 TIMES!
1. in oct. for a weekend with my mother breathing down my back the whole time
2. thanksgiving
3. xmas
4. feb. for a weekend.

and ya kno what...IT KILLS ME! i miss him like nothing could ever be right in this world again. he keeps me sain. and when i have to go a week with out talking to him, im a mental mess. but what does keep me goin is that i know...
he loves me. and that is all i need to keep this realationship it the best shape ever.
fuck here i go again tearing up. lol

another thing that is goin though my head right now...
my career....BLAHHHK!!
i want to major in photography, but this design class i have is the best thing ever and i frickin love my teacher!! hes sooo damn insperationall!!!! i love allt he projects we have ever done, except this one were gunna start soon with paint...i hate paint...bad memories with Mr.C...i hate painting...alot...
anyways, so ive been thinking, i think i wanna change my major to design...but the problem is, design what...i suppose it would be graphic design...or commerical design?? i dunno!!
and i have no idea what to do about this yet....

ive been tryin to get a different job at an art gallery or something...but they all want me to work full time and i cant do that cuz i go to school full time. blahoaghashglwidhsfcdhi
thats how i feel about all that



and another thing that im worried about up the wazoo...
since i will be moving down to VA in a year or so, will all my credit transfer?????!! i have to find out, so i know what i can and cannot take next year... and i have to register for classes SOOOON!!!!! AHHH so much to do!

alright im gunna make a list of things to do:
1. see about credits transfering to VCU
2. register for classes spring & summer session
3. look for a new j-o-b
4. do my home work
5. CHIL OUT
6. that about covers it i suppose...


i think im set for the night...
so you know how i went back and read all my old entries like i said...well i wish everyone that used to use LJ would come back and use it again, now that im back to using it and all...
i just feel so much better once i can get everything that is on my mind off my mind.
and i liked when ppl commented on things.

dont get me wrong sammie, ilove that you commented on the post 2 times ago...hehe

well i need to sleep...im SOOO sick i cant breath...yuck =(

good night<3
j.meeeeeeeee

alright so im not moving to VA. i have finally come to accept that =(

so i just went back and was looking at all my old enteries from back when i first got my drivers licenes and then when i was going out with john...to when we broke up, then when i got my first car, to goin out with john again. then to more recently when i first startd going out with nelson!! YAY NELSON!!

he comes home this sat. and i cant wait!! but hes only gunna be home for a week, but i guess thats better than nothing. and the next time hes gunna be home is for the summer!!!!!! YAY!

i love summer.
alot.


love.jamie

so i know that one ever reads these any more but i dont care, i need to get everything off my chest

the whole world is against me! here is what i want word for word, i dont understand why its so hard, i mean exactly what i say:

i want to move to virginia in august, i hate michigan, i cant be here any longer with out nelson it is physically hurting me. i am in pain everyday i go with out him and everyday it just hurts a little more.

there...now was that so hard!!!!!!...seriously i mean exactly what i say.
but there are a few set backs...

1. my mother -
i didnt move out til i was 21 and i had been saving up for 2 years b4! i think my wanting to move out is stonger than yours will ever be, your setting youself up for failure your not going to make it. when you and nelson get married hes bringing an education, a degree, and savings to the marrige,and what are you brining...debt and you wont even have finished college yet.

2. my best friend -
i dont think we should move this year, i think we should wait a year so we can save up enough money and everything....
oh wait lets move in august
no lets wait....
(indecisive)

and another prolem i have is a really close friend of mine is going into rehad for a while, and so i wont even get to be with him, and hes one of the few guys that can keep me sain at work. im praying for him though.

i just feel like everything is soo wrong and the things i want most in my life i cant even get. i know exactly what i want but i have no clue how to get it in enough time to make everything work.
i think im just scared cuz i have no idea how my life is going to go...i feel like im wondering around in the dark and there isnt even a small light to follow so i can get myself out...


i wish i couild jus make everything work out.

BLAHKK!!!

today i sat on my ass all day and text messaged alot.(waste of money)

i went to class only to be let out 1hr early.(waste of gas)

stoped over at work got food and my schedule.(waste of time)

the best thing said to me today was...
"look in the mirror and youll find this girl who is more beautiful than any angel possibly could be" -joel ingersoll (waste of a good heart) =(

my day = a waste
like usual...

and im off to bed to have yet another waste of a day.

my last post was also on the 20th...so that is the only reason im posting anything.

p.s. facebook and myspace are better.


p.p.s. i love you nelson poopoo <3 10/19/05- 4ever

well, im at school, and im like super bored and i have done any thing on this for a while so i decided to kinda make an entry....
actually i just remembered how pathetic this is.

NELSON COMES HOMR TOMRROW @ 6! YAY!!! i cant wait to see him. i havent seen him in 1 month and b4 that 2 months. eh, lifes hard.

so i havnt been on this thing in a long ass time.
shit has changed
but most of its for the better.
but one thing i did notice. LJ, is competely different. ahhe. o well.

i miss nelson so much, goin for together everyday, to not seein him for goin on 2 months, its hard. but my mommy is takin me to go visit him on oct. 20th - 22nd, and i really cant wait.
i talk to him though a program on his computer called skype. very aswome. since hes not allowed to have any sort of electronical devices, (ipod, cell phone, electirc razors, ect...) this is a very nice way of us to be able to CHEAT the system! hell yeah!

so far college is awsome...some days...
this whole study thing is hard for me.
my art hisroty class - 3 tests = semester grade
- no quizes or homework
- 60 different pieces of work to memorize, but she is only choosing 12 of those 60 to test us on, which means, i have to memorize every single one. GOSH!! this is what i dont like about college

but there are a few things that i really miss about H.S.
- everything is inside so you dont get cold walking from class to class. (and im always cold no matter what)
- lunch w/ nelson EVERYDAY!
- seeing your friends everyday. (everyone is away at college and im still here at home commuting. i miss some people a lot!)
- and that is the end of the list.
but what i do like about college
+ i dont have school EVERYDAY!!
+ i wake up when i want
+ and i know that there are kids who are still in high school while im at home!! HAHAHA!!!


okay so im done, geeze it feels good to get all that off my chest, maybe i should start comming back to LJ more often. we'll see...

<3jamie

yeah thats my baby! look how hot he is. i just have to love him.

i <3 nelson.
he is very awsome.

POWDER PUFF!!!

we kicked junior ASS!!!

cuz everyone knows that seniors are the shit!

 

 

 

alright, well there are ppl from my church that have twins that are 11 years old and they need someone to babysit them after school from like 3:30- 6 (i think thats what they said) and they live in the BFE area. like near gretchko (sp??) so if you need a job please think about this.
and the girls are very awsome they can be sooo hilarious sometime.

alright well let me kno is your interested. =)
thankz
jamie <33

thats right, im finally 17!!!
cuz tday is my BIRFDAY!!!
yay!

 

there is a wasp nest on the side of my house, and its HUGE!

we cant take it down until winter cuz the wasps will attask us. so that huge nest has to stay there untill the snow comes. thats along time from now and its only gunna keep getting bigger!!! AHH!

alright, well all i can say is that im done talkig to everyone and telling people about my life cuz some one is backstabbing me and talking to my mom telling her stuff that i have been saying. and because i cant figure out who it is, im not talking to ANYONE about my personal life EVER AGAIN. im done being ratted on, im done hearing my mom tell me what she has been hearing. i cant take it and all it ends up in... is no trust and so now i cant do anything.
in other words
WHO EVER YOU ARE...I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!! and stop telling my mom my BULL SHIT!  cuz this is beyond annoying. and b/c of who ever you are im never gunna talk again to anyone about my life.

adn what sucks even more is that have narrowed it down to 6 people. (no names). and they are all of my closest friends, the ones im supposed to be able to trust and tell anything.

and just for that im gunna make this entry PUBLIC so every one can know

p.s. this makes me more sad than anything else, to know that i cant trust one of you. i couldnt stop crying when my mom told me all that and well im still crying an hour later.

so on thursday my great great aunt died. she was 110 years old. im really sad about it.

we got aol over the weekend. and i hate it. i had to make a new screen name...
so here it is...

MY NEW SCREEN NAME: coloringthesun

farmer doesnt like it so hes gunna make a new..er... one for me. i guess??

i also got my phone back!!!!  whoo hoo!!!